I would take you out on a date, but I don't feel like getting dressed.

Do you know your love languages?  If not, read this book and get back to me. 

My love languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.  When I don't get enough of these, I get pissy and start acting out.  I'm not going to get all Real Housewives on you and start talking about my 'empty love tank,' but I have been short tempered lately and I think this is why. 

In an attempt to force Steve into fulfilling my needs to spend time together and hear how great I am, I created an at-home date night.  Sneaky, right?

First, I went grocery shopping and found these on sale:

Geez, I'm romantic.

Then, I made dinner.  Surprise, surprise, I found the recipe on Pioneer Woman.  You will also not be shocked at all to hear that it was super easy and delicious. 

Penne a la Betsy

I opened a delicious bottle of wine.

This is from one of our favorite vineyards in Sonoma, Mazzocco.  I highly recommend it.  It was stop number 5 out of 7 on our first day of tastings, so when Steve said he wanted to join the club, I was confused because by that point I couldn't really taste much.  The first bottle we opened at home wasn't great and I was very worried, but I think that bottle was just bad because all of the rest have been delish!

I also (I know what you're thinking, "There's more?????" you bet your ass there is!) made a chocolate cake that looked like this:

How cute am I?????

Davis really, really, really enjoyed the cake.

I think he will be a huge encourager of date night from now on.

After he went to bed, Steve and I played a game I made.  I wrote a bunch of questions, put them in a bowl, then we would draw one and each answer it.  These questions ranged from, "What is your least favorite sound?" to "I really love when you..."  This was my chance to hear how great I am.  Nailed it!

After the game, we moved the date upstairs and that's when the real magic began.  Oh yeah, thanks to my subscription to US Weekly, we were in possession of the scratch and sniff card for this event:

 

I know, just when you thought the night couldn't get any more romantic, I took it to honeymoon status.  (Also, I realize this was last Wednesday...I'm busy, ok!)

Overall, at home date night was a great success.  I got to spend time with my husband, hear good things about myself, watch honey boo boo, drink wine, eat cake, and most importantly, didn't have to get dressed or put on makeup.  Steve asked today if we are doing it again tonight.  I'm just afraid I set the bar a little high and won't be able to surpass last week.

 

My life is a mess!

Well, maybe not my life, but the hidden nooks of my house are.  You've seen it before; you walk into a home and it looks so nice and neat, then you open a closet/cabinet and wonder if you just teleported to the home of a hoarder.  Steve and I don't fight much, but if I think about our garage or the closet situation in this house, steam starts to shoot from my ears.

I have zero closet space in this house.  Steve is a closet hog!  I have approximately 1/3 of our walk in closet and the guest closet.  Steve has 2/3 of our closet, the 2 big hall closets, and the garage.  What's wrong with this picture????

Thanks to the help of my good buddy, Pinterest, I felt inspired to organize the little bit of my life in which I have control.

I started by organizing our medicines:

I opened the closet to put my new drawer'o'pills on the shelf, I saw this:

UGH!

Seriously!? What's the point?  I thought, "maybe once I put it on the shelf, it will make more of a difference."

Well, not really.  I know!  I know exactly what to do to organize this! 

TA- DA!!!!

I also decided to organize all of our important papers so they will be in one place if I ever need to find them.  

Just like everything else, this has created more projects for me.  I now have to find all of said 'important papers' so they can be easy to find.

This will be the box that "in case of fire" you grab as you run out of the house.  As kids, my brothers and I were each assigned photo albums to carry with us through the blaze.  3rd degree burns will heal, but family photos can never be replaced.  Thank goodness we now have social media so Davis doesn't have to live like this:

 Source

Baby Books....and other ways I know I'm failing.

While I was pregnant, I was so excited to get Davis a really great baby book.  As a kid, I remember reading my baby book about 1,000,000 times.  I loved to read all about my firsts, see pictures, and see how much I changed.  I also used it as a reference for my blood type (I still can't remember if I'm O+ or O-...better go check my baby book), my weight at height at birth, who attended my first birthday, and loads of other tidbits of info that you simply can't live without. 

My search for a baby book for Davis was not easy.  Most every one I saw was more of a scrap book and didn't have many spaces to write things.  After scouring Amazon, I found this one....only to later see it at Babies R Us.  I feel like it taunts me every time I walk in.

When he was born, I had it with me at the hospital to be sure to get the foot and hand prints.  This is how that worked out:

Seriously?!?!?  You are going to smudge his baby book prints?  He's a newborn....you can't muster up the strength to hold him still for 2 seconds.  And, you don't do hand prints anymore?  What kind of crap is that? Now, most moms would have done their own hand prints if they really wanted to keep on top of the baby book....but apparently I'm not most moms.  I do have a single hand print that is in a frame in his room which will eventually end up here.  Now Davis will grow up believing he was only born with one hand.  Let the emotional scaring begin.

My work on the baby book started strong:

Then it turned into this:

One day I will glue all of the pictures in.

As I fill out each page, rather than feeling happiness and fulfillment, I am overwhelmed with feelings of failure.  Examples:

1.  I didn't take a picture of his first bath.  How am I allowed to keep my child?  What mother doesn't take pictures of her child's first bath????  I mean, it was an emergency bath because there was poop all the way up his back and so all hands were on deck, but still, I should have remembered the camera!

2.  I don't remember his first outing.  I know it was very early on because I refused to stay cooped up in the house, but I honestly don't remember it.  So....I made it up.

3.  Apparently I know nothing about world events.  The "Famous World Leaders" section is blank because, aside from Obama, I don't know of any.

4.  I just had to turn to Google to find a newspaper clipping from his birthday.  Yes, he is 17 months old....don't judge.  Maybe the fact that we don't get the paper has something to do with my lack of knowledge regarding world leaders.

5.  I keep forgetting to record as each of his teeth come in.  I also may have confused the right side of his mouth with his left.  All dates on this page are now an estimate.

6.  Around the 1 year mark, it starts to ask you about your child's "favorites."  This is where real feelings of failure occur.
- "My favorite colors were" WTH???? 1 year olds are supposed to have favorite colors???  He is delayed because he doesn't have a preferred color?  So, what did I do.....I made it up. "Blue, red and green"  Those are strong colors right?
- "My best friends that were always by my side" 1 year olds have best friends?  If we are going by this description, then mommy is your best friend because she is the only one always by your side.  Did I neglect my child by not having his best friend over all day everyday?  Apparently they aren't supposed to leave each other's side.  More emotional scaring.
- "My favorite TV friends were" Is it bad that this list is Elmo, Mickey, and Andy Cohen from Watch What Happens Live on Bravo?  Is it worse that Andy was truly his favorite and the only one he consistently watched?  Moving on.....

7.  My other issue is that for his entire first year they have a page for every month.  They asked: sleeping patterns, eating habits, new foods I liked, new discoveries I made, my accomplishments, places I went, special friends I made, I learned some baby babbles this month.
Sometimes there were months where there was nothing new in a particular category and I felt the pressure to make something up because it would be bad to write "see 5th Month".  Also, 'My Accomplishments'?  Is he supposed to be earning awards and medals at 3 months?  Should he already be setting goals?  The 'places I went' category made me feel like we don't travel enough.  We set the bar too high by taking him to Europe in month 3.  'Special friends' was also let down when I was repeatedly naming the same kids just in a different order.  Maybe, if we traveled more, he would have more friends.

I am so glad I am working so hard on his baby book, although I'm sure he will never open it a single time since he is a boy and they don't care about these things.  Maybe I should really start exaggerating so I can show it to his future wife and she will be so impressed she will treat him like the prince he is.

Things I Need Professional Help For

Do you ever do something and then think to yourself, "This probably isn't normal.  Do other people do/think this?  Do I need professional help?"  Not that I ever do this, but a "friend" of mine has some quirks that may be leading to a psychotic break.

For example:
If I go into a bathroom that has a shower curtain, I absolutely must look behind the shower curtain to make sure no one is hiding in there to kill me.  As if I don't feel vulnerable enough sitting on the toilet, now I have to worry about murderers.  I'm not even sure I ever saw the moving Psycho in it's entirety, and in the movie a lady gets killed in the shower, not by someone hiding in the shower and killing her on the pot.  Sometimes I don't even trust my initial check and have to check again while I am using the potty. (Oh, crap...I mean "my friend.")

Along the same lines as the above fear, I also have a fear that while using the bathroom a snake or bug (mostly a snake) will come up out of the toilet and bite me on the booty.  This is also a thought that flashes in my mind whenever I flush a bug, "this guy will probably come back to bit me on the ass one day."

While laying in bed, if I hear a noise or get a weird feeling, I start planning my escape route in case of an intruder.  I obviously, for security reasons, cannot tell you my plan, but let's just say it involves grabbing the gun, my cell phone, and my son before going to my hiding place.  If Steve is out of town for the night, this is basically all I think about all night.

If someone starts to cut me off in traffic or almost hits me, like a movie, my mind continues to play out what could have happened....always the worst case scenario.

I always have my most brilliant ideas while sitting on the toilet.  (Apparently, a lot of my issues start with the toilet.)  For this reason, I believe all politicians should have toilets in place of desk chairs.  Feel free to take that in any way you would like....I meant it in all of those ways.

I cannot remember anything I learned in school, or even learned yesterday, but I can tell you what color shirt you were wearing when we went to lunch 8 years ago.  My mind is completely full of useless information and celebrity gossip...no room for facts and intelligent information.

If I start watching a TV series, even if I start to hate it, I have to finish it otherwise it will eat at me forever.  I pulled the plug on Lost in it's last season and it still bugs me.  I'm sure I will end up watching it eventually just to put my mind at ease.

Those a just a few of my issues.  Needless to say, a therapist could have a field day with me.  Instead, I choose to just burden you all with my problems.  Thanks for your help and support!

Wanna go to Alaska?

Last week, Steve and I took both sets of our parents on a 7 day Alaskan cruise with Holland America. Most people, upon hearing this, thought we were crazy. I have to admit, I was a little worried too; but everyone got along famously and were on our best behaviors. I mean, we were in Alaska, what is there to be crabby about? (Haha...see what I did there?)

So, here are our pictures. Prepare yourself...there are a lot, but I'll try to keep you entertained along the way. 

Vancouver. What's that you say? Vancouver isn't in Alaska? Am I stupid and went to Canada thinking it was Alaska? Well crap....I should just end this post now. 

Just teasing, the cruise left from Vancouver. Gotcha!

The man. The myth. The legend. Tim. 

My lovely parents. 

Tim thinks he's Zoolander. (If you don't know Zoolander, google it. I don't have the time to teach you everything.)

My fabulous in-laws. 

The people who created us. You're welcome, world. 

Our first port was Ketchikan. We told our parents we would treat them to one excursion each and then they were on their own after that. The guys went fishing this day and we ladies did what we do best...shopping. 

 In the background is the salmon market where a great salesman slipped me a roofie and made me buy 4 cans of expensive salmon.  Steve doesn't even like salmon and was pretty mad at me, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

No explanation needed. 

Our home for the week.

Those last two pictures, that's the whole town. 

 

Some of their catch. Steve had the meat shipped back to Texas, so if anyone has a good halibut recipe, let me know. 

Welcome to Juneau!!

 'Murica!

 

That's basically all of Juneau. The only way in or out of the city is by boat or plane. The road just stops after 40 miles. 

Bald Eagles anybody?

My parents and I went whale watching this day for my mom's excursion. We tacked the visit to Mendenhall Glacier on to our excursion for $10 and it ended up being one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. Who says I'm high maintenance?!?!

Ahhh, to be young and in love again. 

I was by myself that day so my parents did their best to keep me from feeling like the third wheel. :)

Chunks of ice from the glacier. 

I feel so tiny. 

That is one lucky man. 

One of the coolest things I have ever seen. 

This picture shows how big the waterfall actually was. I don't normally allow strangers into my photos, but these serve a purpose. 

She hates nature and was miserable the entire trip. 

I'm tiny again. I need a waterfall to follow me around all the time so I will look petite. 

Iceberg! Straight ahead!!  What???? Too soon?

I mean, what is there to say. Wow.  Just wow. God is an artist. 

So after the glacier, we went on our whale watching tour. My mom is obsessed with sea mammals, so this was right up there for her with the birth of her grandchildren. 

Whale tail!  If you just checked your pants....two things: wrong kind of whale tale, and pull your pants up. Please and thank you. 

The whales really liked this boat. 

I mean, really liked it. 

Seriously?

Could you...

Even...

Imagine????

We were able to observe something called 'bubble net feeding'.  During this type of feeding, the humpback, who is usually a bit of a loner, gets together with some friends and pushes the fish up to the top and goes to town. I switched my camera to sports mode and held down the button, so you can get a true play by play. 

For the full effect, I recommend you turn your A/C down to around 55, turn a fan on (cause it was windy), and aim a lamp at you (because it was also sunny). 

This guy went up a little early...greedy. This shows how wide their mouths open though; 

over a 90 degree angle. 

Ok, that's all for the whales...you made it. 

The Red Dog Saloon in Juneau is a replica of the actual saloon that was around during the gold rush days. There was the funniest old man singing dirty songs, and the waitresses dressed in saloon appropriate clothing. Too bad the food wasn't very good. 

On the wall under the stuffed bear, is a pistol in a case. Back in the day, men used to have to check their guns at the door. This gun was never claimed and turned out to be....

Wait for it....

Wyatt Erp's. 

Steve wanted a picture outside, and because he NEVER wants to take a picture, just like good ole SP, I said, "you betcha!"

We were referred to Tracy's Crab Shack by several people since the boat served zero crab (I'm not happy about it).  It was conveniently located right next to the boat, so we stopped by. The crab legs are shockingly expensive all over Alaska, but omgeee were they good. 

Tracy noticed my dad's Gator shirt and said "I love the Gators!" and gave us a free crab leg. I love the Gator Nation!

On to Skagway:

I thought the painting on the side of the mountain was probably something really cool and historic, so I took a picture. I later learned that it was just an advertisement for a shop in town. Douped again!

This town was founded by the men going up the White Pass Trail to find gold. Steve got in the spirit. 

That is essentially the entire town. All 7 blocks of it. 

What's that you say? You'd really like some more nature photos? Well, you are in luck. For Steve's mom's excursion, she wanted to take the train up the mountain along the trail.  All aboard!

This old bridge kept getting compared to the Statue of Liberty and the Eiffel Tower. I don't remember why, but I was sure to take a picture. Someone look it up and get back to me. 

Very few men died building the railroad, and this grave was to mark 2 of them. I don't remember how many actually died. Someone look that up for me too please.

This part of the river, called the whirlpool, has never been sucessfully navigated. 

Mama's boy. 

Next was Glacier Bay. This was, hands down, the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Except for maybe Florida Field, but it's a close second. 

My favorite picture. 

Steve was into it. 

See? I told you she was miserable. 

Glacier!

Bear!!!!  (Ps, I have already asked for a zoom lense for the next gift-giving holiday.  Don't we get gifts for 4th of July???)

Incredible. 

The black glacier straight ahead is responsible of the creation of this entire bay. Want to learn more? Visit google.com....I'm not your teacher. 

This glacier was the size of our ship. 

Glaciers are constantly changing.  As more ice is becoming compacted on the back of it, chunks of ice are breaking off the front. Can you see the chunk that just fell off?

Zoolander needed a solo shot. 

Hitching a ride. 

This was my view for lunch that day. Rough life.

Wine on the bow of the boat was a great idea!

 

The two dark spots on that big chunk of ice are harbor seals. You would be able to see them if I had my new lens. Guess you just have to take my word for it. There is also a wooly mammoth in the picture. Let me know when you see it. 

Sea lion islands. Say that 3 times fast. 

Ready? Go!

<3

He's so versatile. 

Our view at dinner. Another awful one. 

The Crow's Nest. We were here a lot. 

Our drinking buddies. 

Well, you made it! Welcome home from Alaska! Think about how much time and money I just saved you. 

You are welcome!