Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Here Kitty Kitty!

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, I haven't been able to think of anything to write about.  I figure you don't care about the mundane happenings in my life.  Heck, you may not care about any of this at all and are just looking for a distraction from work.  If that is the case, sit back, enjoy, take yourself a little break.  It will probably make you more productive in the long run. (Unless you work for Tom James.  If you are a Tom James salesperson, get off the Internet and get back to work!  This post will still be here after phone time.)  To all the rest of you, welcome!

I want a cat.  A cute, furry, purring little fur ball of love and attitude.  I want one so bad, I can taste it.  Well, not really taste it; we all know eating cat is disgusting and highly frowned upon.  That just made me think about this Chinese restaurant near the house where I grew up; there were many rumors of cats disappearing around said restaurant.  I'm just glad we didn't live any closer because my handsome Siamese cat was overweight and probably would have been the Kobe beef of cats.

I digress....

Steve promised me that we could get a cat for our 2nd Anniversary (which would have been last year), but then I got pregnant.  While reading my baby books, I read that pregnant women cannot scoop litter boxes due to a chemical in cat feces that leads to birth defects.  When Steve learned that he would be the sole operator of the pooper-scooper, he pooped all over my itty bitty kitty dreams.
I accepted that excuse for postponing a kitty adoption, but kitty fever has struck again.  Steve still says no.  Why, you ask?  He says we should wait until Davis is old enough to know not to pull the cats hair and/or tail which could result in a kitty scratch or bite.  It would also be a good idea for him to know not to play in the kitty litter.  Steve raises some valid, reasonable, and responsible points....and I hate him for it!
I do well with a time frame.  Steve said he thinks Davis will be at this point around the time he is 3.  All I heard was, "we can't get a cat for 1.5 years," and this is not sitting well with me.  So, I have devised a plan.  I am going to expose Davis to as many cats as possible.  If you have a cat, we want a play date.  We will be going to different shelters to pet the kitties (if they allow 1 1/2 year old children to do this), we will read books about kitties, we will even acquire more kitty stuffed animals if we have to.  It's crunch time people!
Some of you may be feeling less than sympathetic right now because you 'hate cats'.  I was once told by a guy that if you don't like dogs (which apparently, to dog lovers, means that you have to own a dog in order to like a dog), then you don't have a soul.  Well, if we are making snap judgements, allow me to make one of my own.  If you don't like cats, you lack self-confidence.  You see, cats are the perfect pet.  They clean themselves, feed themselves without overeating to the point of sickness, can be left alone for several days and won't destroy your fact, they will probably thank you for the peace and quiet, and you don't have to pick up their poop with your bare hand and a plastic baggie.  (That last one really doesn't sit well with me.)  Cats want you when they want you.  They don't drool all over you when you walk in the door, harass you when you want to be left alone, and most importantly, they don't bark while you are trying to watch The Real Housewives.  In order to be a successful cat owner, you have to realize that you are not the center of your pet's world, and that is a tough pill to swallow for some.  No judgement, just don't judge me for wanting a cat.

So, today's homework:  If you have small children and cats, I need tips.  If you see Steve, I need allies.  And most importantly, if you come across a chocolate or seal point Siamese cat in need of adoption, let me know!

Let me please state for the record that I like dogs, I just don't care to own one.  Please see the sentence about poop, bare hands, and a baggie for further explanation.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Bribery gone Bad

Davis is obsessed with trucks these days.  I mean OB-SESSED!  He carries them around the house, sleeps with them, keeps them nearby when he eats and takes baths, and points out every single we see in the car.  Attempting to be a good, fun mom, I thought it would be fun to take him to the fire department to let him sit in the trucks, touch the wheels, and point and say "truck" 1,000,000 times. 

I have never made an impromptu visit to the fire department, so I figured it would be most effective to take them a tasty bribe.  One so delicious, that they will turn on the sirens, let him drive the truck, and even go on a call with them.  So, I bought all of the ingredients and slaved away during Davis' nap time (which is precious mommy time, so you know I was serious).

Feast your eyes upon this!  Chocolate cake with a layer of nutella, then a layer of homemade whipped cream, then a layer of macerated strawberries, then repeat.  If I told you I got this recipe from Pioneer Woman, would you be surprised?  No, I didn't think so.
I was feeling great about it until this started to happen:

 Do you see the cracks forming on the right? 

I convinced myself that it would be alright; that the heavenly nutella would hold it together.  I went upstairs to get Davis and came down to this:
No!  Tell me this isn't real!  All of my hard work. 

Then, to try to keep it from sliding onto the floor, I did this:
Yeah, that's better. 

I couldn't help but notice that someone perked up a little when he realized that I could no longer give the cake to the firefighters.

This look has 'guilty thoughts' written all over it.

Hey mom, let me see if I can help you with that.

Ahhh....that's better. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Three years and going strong.

Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary.  That's right, I found someone to put up with me for 3 whole years of marriage!

So, in celebration of the big day, here are the reasons I love my little hubby:

1.  He makes me laugh.
He's pretty funny, and he thinks I'm funny too.  I really find that attractive in someone....when they think I'm funny, that is.

2.  I like to hang out with him.
We like to get dressed up and walk around like this all the time.  Don't you?  I love the way his head is cocked to the side.  Like he's deep in thought about how much he loves me.  I'm positive that's what he is thinking.

3.  He adores me.
I mean, look at that.  Nuff said!

4.  He gets me.
Even when I make no sense or am being crazy....he just waits for the storm to be over.  Then, when my head clears, there he is waiting for me with open arms.

5. We hardly ever fight.
This is mostly because he won't fight back.  See #4 and that is about how it goes.  It's no fun to fight with someone who won't fight the fights don't go anywhere.  

6.  He shows me new things.
We travel a lot and both have dreams to see the world.  He is also a very easy traveler, which is super important to me. 

7.  He's pretty cute.  

8.  He's a great daddy.
Davis loves his daddy so much and they have so much fun together.  

9.  He provides a great life for us.
Yep, he's pretty great.

If I had to think of someone to spend the rest of his life with (let's face it, the odds are I will out-live him), I couldn't think of anyone better.  

Now, for what marriage really means:
1.  We are supposed to gain weight.  Only one of us is participating in that though....not pointing fingers.  (It's not me!)
2.  We fart in front of each other.  Again, only one of us participates in this.  I swear, before we were married I heard Steve fart less than 10 times.  Now, it's a free-for-all!  The doorknob game Honey Boo-Boo taught us is helping with this immensely though.  (If you aren't familiar with this game, google it.)
3.  We watch a lot of TV.  Whereas we used to go out and do fun things all the time, we now put the baby to sleep and then watch TV.  Thrilling.
4.  We share everything.  We have even shared gum once.  Not a stick of gum, actual chewed gum.

Well, extra pounds, farts, TV, backwash and all, these last 3 years have been awesome.

Love you Steve-O!

Monday, August 12, 2013

What is PBS really teaching my kid?

Depending on the viewing audience at any given time, our TV is on one of three channels; BRAVO, History Channel, or PBS.  I'll let you guess who prefers which channel.

I never been compelled to donate to PBS before, but now that it is the primary channel viewed in this house (besides BRAVO), I have a feeling we will be owning a lot of Rick Steves' travel guides very soon. (For those of you not in the know; they are the gifts given during the telethons if you donate.)

Davis has three shows he really loves, and so we DVR them on a daily basis; Curious George, Sid the Science Kid, and Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.  The more I watch these shows, the more I start to wonder what in the heck they are teaching my kid.

So here we go, here's my two cents:

 Curious George
1.  The man in the yellow hat doesn't really have a job and yet he lives in a nice apartment in NYC steps from central park, and also owns a country house.  How is that possible?  The only thing I have ever seen that slightly resembles "work" are some crappy drawings of a snake staircase and other ridiculous and structurally unsound plans.
What is this teaching my kid?  Don't get a real job, just draw some crap, call it 'building plans', be friends with a scientist at a museum, and money will never be a problem.

2. George's friend, Bill, out in the country is a know-it-all a-hole.  He's always making comments like, "I bet a city kid like you doesn't know how to catch a fish!"  "I bet a city kid like you doesn't know how to identify a mocking bird!"  "I bet a city kid like you doesn't know how to make someone else feel bad about themselves on a daily basis!"  The best part about it though is that once George tries whatever it is that Bill was bragging about, he is always better at it than Bill.
What is this teaching my kid?  I actually like this lesson.  If you are a bragging a-hole, be careful, because there is a good chance that what you are bragging about is so easy that even a monkey could do it...better than you!

3.  George has been to space several times, built a robot costume that earned him a spot as an exhibit in the science museum, has navigated NYC public transportation, built tree houses, and much much more.
What is this teaching my kid?  No matter what you do in life, George will probably already have done it...and probably better than you.

Sid the Science Kid
1.  Let's first address the obvious; Sid's friend Mae is a complete pothead.  She is the hipster character who comes across really dumb.  I think she is just super stoned.
What is this teaching my kid?  It's totally fine to smoke pot in pre-school.  No one will even call you on it.
Mae can be seen around :48.

I really don't have any other complaints about Sid.  I just wish there was more singing because Davis loves it.  Specifically this song:
Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood
1.  These are the whiniest bunch of kids I have ever seen.  "I wanted to go first!" "But I wanted a slide at the playground!" "You're being too loud!"  Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!  Katerina is the worst one of all!
(For some reason this video didn't work, but here is the link if you want an example of her terrible behavior: )
What is this teaching my kid? If we whine and throw tantrums and yell at our friends (she even took a swing at Miss Elaina), then someone will coddle us and our friend will end up giving us what we want anyway.  Why do the other kids' parents let their children play with her?  I would be keeping Davis far away from this girl so he wouldn't pick up any bad habits.  (Let that be a cautionary tale to you, children, learn to share or I won't share my kid with you!)

2.  They never address the elephant in the room that is Miss Elaina's relationship with her mother.
 Miss Elaina                            Lady Elaine

Does anyone see the problem here?
No, not her racists.  She is clearly bi-racial.  Here's her dad:

What alarms me is the fact that Lady Elaine is supposed to have given birth when she has clearly already gone through "the change."  She just has a great plastic surgeon.  Remember what Lady Elaine looked like before; back when Mr. Rogers ran the show?
I would just love to know who did her work, because she looks fabulous!  Maybe it's one of the same doctors who works on the Real Housewives.  That would make for a good episode, "Lady Elaine gets a Nip and a Tuck."  
What is this teaching my kid? Even old women can have beautiful bi-racial babies.  In fact, Miss Elaina is the best behaved of them all, so maybe the old bag is on to something.

3.  There is an obnoxious song for everything.  See if you can guess what they are for:
"Flush and wash and be on your way."
"Clean up, pick up, put away.  Clean up, everyday."
"Saying I'm sorry is the first part; then how can I help."
"When you feel so mad that you want to roar; take a deep breath and count to four."
What is this teaching my kid?  Nothing bad really, just a bunch of super-annoying songs that get stuck in mommy's head for the rest of the day which makes her so mad she wants to roar!

PBS is great and I will continue to encourage Davis to tune in, I just hope Big Bird (he's the boss of PBS by the way) will take some of my thoughts into consideration and make some changes.
Big Bird is so professional.

Also, Big Bird, please stop killing all of my favorite characters on Downton Abby! 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I would take you out on a date, but I don't feel like getting dressed.

Do you know your love languages?  If not, read this book and get back to me. 

My love languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.  When I don't get enough of these, I get pissy and start acting out.  I'm not going to get all Real Housewives on you and start talking about my 'empty love tank,' but I have been short tempered lately and I think this is why. 

In an attempt to force Steve into fulfilling my needs to spend time together and hear how great I am, I created an at-home date night.  Sneaky, right?

First, I went grocery shopping and found these on sale:
Geez, I'm romantic.

Then, I made dinner.  Surprise, surprise, I found the recipe on Pioneer Woman.  You will also not be shocked at all to hear that it was super easy and delicious. 

I opened a delicious bottle of wine.
This is from one of our favorite vineyards in Sonoma, Mazzocco.  I highly recommend it.  It was stop number 5 out of 7 on our first day of tastings, so when Steve said he wanted to join the club, I was confused because by that point I couldn't really taste much.  The first bottle we opened at home wasn't great and I was very worried, but I think that bottle was just bad because all of the rest have been delish!

I also (I know what you're thinking, "There's more?????" you bet your ass there is!) made a chocolate cake that looked like this:
How cute am I?????

Davis really, really, really enjoyed the cake.

I think he will be a huge encourager of date night from now on.

After he went to bed, Steve and I played a game I made.  I wrote a bunch of questions, put them in a bowl, then we would draw one and each answer it.  These questions ranged from, "What is your least favorite sound?" to "I really love when you..."  This was my chance to hear how great I am.  Nailed it!

After the game, we moved the date upstairs and that's when the real magic began.  Oh yeah, thanks to my subscription to US Weekly, we were in possession of the scratch and sniff card for this event:

I know, just when you thought the night couldn't get any more romantic, I took it to honeymoon status.  (Also, I realize this was last Wednesday...I'm busy, ok!)

Overall, at home date night was a great success.  I got to spend time with my husband, hear good things about myself, watch honey boo boo, drink wine, eat cake, and most importantly, didn't have to get dressed or put on makeup.  Steve asked today if we are doing it again tonight.  I'm just afraid I set the bar a little high and won't be able to surpass last week.


Thursday, July 18, 2013

My life is a mess!

Well, maybe not my life, but the hidden nooks of my house are.  You've seen it before; you walk into a home and it looks so nice and neat, then you open a closet/cabinet and wonder if you just teleported to the home of a hoarder.  Steve and I don't fight much, but if I think about our garage or the closet situation in this house, steam starts to shoot from my ears.

I have zero closet space in this house.  Steve is a closet hog!  I have approximately 1/3 of our walk in closet and the guest closet.  Steve has 2/3 of our closet, the 2 big hall closets, and the garage.  What's wrong with this picture????

Thanks to the help of my good buddy, Pinterest, I felt inspired to organize the little bit of my life in which I have control.

I started by organizing our medicines:

I opened the closet to put my new drawer'o'pills on the shelf, I saw this:

Seriously!? What's the point?  I thought, "maybe once I put it on the shelf, it will make more of a difference."

Well, not really.  I know!  I know exactly what to do to organize this! 
TA- DA!!!!

I also decided to organize all of our important papers so they will be in one place if I ever need to find them.  
Just like everything else, this has created more projects for me.  I now have to find all of said 'important papers' so they can be easy to find.

This will be the box that "in case of fire" you grab as you run out of the house.  As kids, my brothers and I were each assigned photo albums to carry with us through the blaze.  3rd degree burns will heal, but family photos can never be replaced.  Thank goodness we now have social media so Davis doesn't have to live like this:
Cartoon of man in hospital with full body cast Royalty Free Stock Vector Art Illustration